Do you live with an active inner critic? Does it hold you back and prevent you from enjoying life fully or maybe stop you trying new things?

Transforming your inner Critic using NLP

A couple of weeks ago I first wrote about your inner critic and how it can sometimes undermine  your self-care. This week I am going to share with you some tips that will enable you to make some changes that will really help you transform that voice.

When we hear that inner critic speak

So, firstly a re-cap, your inner critic is a part of you that is trying to help you. It’s job is likely about wanting to keep you safe or help you avoid something such as embarrassment or rejection. It has a positive intention and this intention may be out of date.

The suggestions I am about to make will reduce the power of the voice or change it in a way that makes it easier to feel okay about.

You may still need to do some more formal inner work if the inner critic is connected to unresolved issues. If this is the case the changes I am about to suggest may only last for a short time or not at all.

When you clear the underlying issue the inner critic will either naturally transform or will be open to the changes below.

Here are the tips.

  1. Thank your inner critic for it’s input, help and advice.
  2. Listen to the words and evaluate, is there genuinely something to pay attention to here or are the words just a sign of anxiety.
  3. Experiment with changing your inner critic’s tone. It is your brain, your inner voice so this is easy to do. See what happens if you change the voice into something you can no longer take seriously. For example make it sound like Micky Mouse or Scooby Do. Alternatively soften the tone, make it sound like a kindly advisor delivering the advice in a soft, non-judgemental way.
  4. Notice the location of your inner critic, what happens if you switch the location? Sometimes this on its own makes a big difference. For example, if your inner critic sounds like it is on the right, near the back of your head move it to the left and further forward. Sometimes you may need to do this change before step 3.

These small tips have made a difference to many of my clients however if you try them and they do not work for you I suggest you seek out an experienced NLP Practitioner who can help you using one of the following techniques, parts work, six step reframe, re-imprint, Core Transformation or the Wholeness Process.

Where possible choose someone who was recommended to you by someone you know and trust. You can also check to see if the person is a member of ANLP our NLP Professional body and also ask what level of training they have.

Please be aware that NLP Training does vary with some people attending very short courses. Be wary of working with anyone who has only had online training.

More next week, have a lovely day.

Are you “giving something up” for your health? What if instead of giving up you were giving yourself better self-care instead?

I know promised you some more tips on managing your inner critic and I hope you will forgive me for putting it off for one more week. I have a good reason.

 

I was reflecting on all the people who were posting about “giving things up for Lent”. I am not religious however I do consider myself Spiritual and I wondered about harnessing this idea for self-care.

 

I made a decision to explore what it feels like to embrace 40 days of reflection and sacrifice. The word sacrifice felt harsh to me so I reframed this as self-compassion with the idea that it will increase my ability to have compassion for others.

 

I will be giving something up as part of that process. I have decided to give up sugary sweets, biscuits and chocolate plus alcohol which I currently only take occasionally.

 

I suspect my need for sugar is really an indicator of some unresolved issues, some of which are outside my awareness.

 

From an NLP perspective, I hold the view that my unhealthy drives around sugar do have a positive intention. They are likely trying to help or protect me in some way.

 

I have some ideas as to what that might be and there may be some I have yet to consider. It is also possible that the positive intention is now out of date and the part of me that is running the drive did not realise.

 

I plan to replace sugar with self-care and self-compassion.

 

The phrase “giving something up” can be a block to lasting change so I am reframed this too. Instead of giving something up I will notice what emerges from my change in behaviour and take steps clear what needs clearing, acknowledge what needs acknowledging and release what needs releasing.

 

I am using a number of approaches including NLP, The Wholeness Process, Core Transformations and Journalling.

 

Having begun this journey it then occurred to me that a shared journey can be a very supportive thing so I set up a group on Facebook in order to invite others to join me.

 

I extend this invitation to you now. Would you like to join me on this journey of self-care and self-compassion?

 

Below is my original post. The name of the group is “Self-care for 40 days and beyond” and you are welcome to ask to join the group. I will be continuing to write my blogs on self-care here and  you can post  comments about your own journey or questions here on this blog.

 

“I do not follow any form of organised religion however I do consider myself Spiritual. I believe in a connection between us all and that we have the ability to share compassion.

 

I have been considering the Christian tradition of Lent. I have made a decision to explore what it feels like to embrace 40 days of reflection and sacrifice. The word sacrifice feels harsh to me so I plan to reframe this as self-compassion with the idea that it will increase my ability to have compassion for others.

 

I will be giving something up as part of that process. I have decided to give up sugary sweets, biscuits and chocolate plus alcohol which I currently only take occasionally. I suspect my need for sugar is really an indicator of some unresolved issues, some of which are outside my awareness. I plan to replace sugar with self-care and self-compassion. I will notice what emerges and take steps clear what needs clearing, acknowledge what needs acknowledging and release what needs releasing.

 

I will need love and support so if you feel moved to, please comment on my daily posts.

 

If you wish to join me on your own journey of self-discovery please do leave me comments in what I plan to make a daily sharing for the next 40 days.

 

Please feel free to share this post if you think it will help others.”

Self-care for 40 days and beyond

Do you have an inner critic bullying you? How can you manage your inner critic with self-care?

Last week I began sharing with you my thoughts about how you (and probably everyone else) has an inner critic. Before moving forward I would like to remind you that you will also have an inner champion, are you listening to that part of yourself too?

 

Get perspective
When you step back and look at the bigger picture new insights appear

Both of these internalised inner voices are parts of you that have taken on a role. Both were developed unconsciously during your developmental phase and both emerged for a good reason.

 

As a side note, the type of inner voice I am commenting on is part of healthy normal development. There are people who have issues with internalised voices as a mental health issue. If you have any voices urging self-harm or violent behaviour please seek support and help from an appropriate qualified professional.

 

The focus today is on managing the inner critic. Last week I gave you some tips about acknowledging and evaluating the messages from the inner critic.

 

If your inner critic is particularly loud write down the script. By writing it down you will be able to get some distance and perspective.

 

Now write down what you think the positive intention is behind the script.

 

Definition: Positive intention is a term used in NLP to mean the motivation behind a thought, feeling or behaviour. The presupposition in NLP is that your unconscious is responsible for your patterns of thinking and behaving.

 

Your unconscious has a positive drive and is trying to protect you the best it can. Sometimes it has not enough or faulty information and so develops patterns that appear negative. Here is an example that illustrates what I mean.

 

An adult has a tendency to want to please others and say “yes” when they would really rather say “no”.

 

This pattern could have emerged for a variety of reasons, one could be that in childhood this person experienced disapproval from parental figures for saying “no”. Using child logic they developed a belief that the only way to be loved and approved of was to please others. This belief is held unconsciously and yet runs the adult’s responses.

 

Whenever this adult considers saying “no” to others or pleasing themselves the inner critic replays a version of those early messages. You may or may not consciously hear them however the emotions created are felt.

 

If this person continues to say “no” or please themselves their inner critic will continue commenting perhaps triggering feelings of guilt and low self-worth.

 

If the person suppresses their desire to say “no” or please themselves they may get a sense of relief coupled with other feelings such as low self-worth and unhappiness.

 

This has created a double bind, damned if you do damned if you don’t. Is this feeling familiar?

 

Now to return to my suggestion of writing down the script of the inner critic, as you review your own scripts consider “who was the author?”

 

The chances are the author will have been parental figures who in most cases had good intentions. By writing down your script you may gain some new insights that allow you to make changes.

 

Insights can be very powerful however sometimes insights are not enough. Have you ever had the experience of understanding something logically but hanging on to it emotionally?

 

This is a really common experience and this is where NLP can help you. There are many techniques in NLP that can help you re-write your script and become the author of your own life.

 

Here is a link to a free download which includes a technique called “Changing Beliefs”. The recording is taken from a workshop delivered as part of my NLP Research Dissertation into NLP as a way of improving Self-esteem and Well-being.

Next week I will share some ways of changing the sub-modalities of your inner critic to reduce the impact and perhaps transform your experience.

I am pleased to share with you that I have been nominated for the Research Award at the NLP Awards in London this May.