Although this series is about self-care there is an inter-personal aspect to your well-being that I would like to highlight to you this week.

I wonder, have you considered how much the people you spend time with have an impact on your well-being and your ability to stay resilient?

The relationships you engage in regularly will have a direct influence on your energy levels and your general sense of self. This may not surprise you and yet have you ever stopped to check.

Are the people you spend the most time with:

• Critical of you and your life.
• An emotional drain.
• Needy and demanding.
• Easily offended and reactionary.
• Aggressive either to you or in your company to others.
• Have a negative mindset.

If you answered “yes” to even one or two of the characteristics above the chances are you will feel drained and unhappy after spending time with such people.

So perhaps it is time to change who you spend time with!

I wonder how many of you feel uncomfortable about this suggestion? If you do it will be because you have a value that feels ignored. Maybe loyalty is important to you or kindness. It may be some other value of a similar nature.

I can understand that reaction and yet for your own health it is worth thinking about how much time you spend with people who sap your energy.

Have you applied the above list to yourself, do those characteristic also apply to you? Or maybe they used to. Either way, if you are now committed to self-care practice I recommend you begin widening your circle of friends to include people who:

• Laugh and smile a lot.
• Are kind and encouraging.
• Motivate you and others.
• Demonstrate that they care about you
• Are good at turning conflict into conversation
• Have a growth mindset.
• Lift your spirits.

Begin by adopting the above behaviours yourself so that you are the kind of person others want to spend time with in order to feel good. Secondly, begin connecting with people who lift your spirits.

You may need to do your homework to find out where these people can be found. May be joining a class or hobby group, maybe going to networking events or social gatherings. In all of these places you will find people who fit both the lists above so be selective.

One of the easiest ways to start building your new positive network is to sign up to a personal development course such as NLP Practitioner. You are likely to find other people looking for the same thing plus others who already have a genuine positive attitude to life.

As you build your new positive supportive network you may find that some of your old friends will welcome the change in you and begin their own journeys of transformation. There may be others you choose to limit your time with or gently let go of.

Remember you have choice and you deserve happiness, well-being and resilience. You can only be responsible for yourself. Become that person that lifts the spirits of others, I know you can do it.