Tag Archives: resilience

Who are the people who surround you? Do they nourish you or do they drain you?

GWiz NLP
Find people who lift your spirits

Although this series is about self-care there is an inter-personal aspect to your well-being that I would like to highlight to you this week.

I wonder, have you considered how much the people you spend time with have an impact on your well-being and your ability to stay resilient?

The relationships you engage in regularly will have a direct influence on your energy levels and your general sense of self. This may not surprise you and yet have you ever stopped to check.

Are the people you spend the most time with:

  • Critical of you and your life.
  • An emotional drain.
  • Needy and demanding.
  • Easily offended and reactionary.
  • Aggressive either to you or in your company to others.
  • Have a negative mindset.

If you answered “yes” to even one or two of the characteristics above the chances are you will feel drained and unhappy after spending time with such people.

So perhaps it is time to change who you spend time with!

I wonder how many of you feel uncomfortable about this suggestion? If you do it will be because you have a value that feels ignored. Maybe loyalty is important to you or kindness. It may be some other value of a similar nature.

I can understand that reaction and yet for your own health it is worth thinking about how much time you spend with people who sap your energy.

Have you applied the above list to yourself, do those characteristic also apply to you? Or maybe they used to. Either way, if you are now committed to self-care practice I recommend you begin widening your circle of friends to include people who:

  • Laugh and smile a lot.
  • Are kind and encouraging.
  • Motivate you and others.
  • Demonstrate that they care about you
  • Are good at turning conflict into conversation
  • Have a growth mindset.
  • Lift your spirits.

Begin by adopting the above behaviours yourself so that you are the kind of person others want to spend time with in order to feel good. Secondly, begin connecting with people who lift your spirits.

You may need to do your homework to find out where these people can be found. May be joining a class or hobby group, maybe going to networking events or social gatherings. In all of these places you will find people who fit both the lists above so be selective.

https://www.gwiznlp.com/event/fully-accredited-nlp-practitioner/
Positive people are good for your well-being

One of the easiest ways to start building your new positive network is to sign up to a personal development course such as NLP Practitioner. You are likely to find other people looking for the same thing plus others who already have a genuine positive attitude to life.

As you build your new positive supportive network you may find that some of your old friends will welcome the change in you and begin their own journeys of transformation. There may be others you choose to limit your time with or gently let go of.

Remember you have choice and you deserve happiness, well-being and resilience. You can only be responsible for yourself. Become that person that lifts the spirits of others, I know you can do it.

 

 

 

How are limiting beliefs created?

People often ask me “how  are limiting beliefs are created?” This can be the first step in the realisation that the thinking patterns that have been holding you back can be understood and changed. By asking the question the door is open to the possibility of transformation.

From a research perspective it is fair to say our evidence is anecdotal and comes from observation. Setting up a research model is problematic from both a practical and ethical position.

Leaving that aside when I share my belief about the formation of beliefs most people can relate.

Limiting beliefs, Empowering beliefs and neutral beliefs are all formed by the same processes and mechanisms. There are two primary processesinvolved and both have an external source.

I am sure you will not be surprised that the majority of our core belief systemis in place from a very early age and although we might adjust our beliefs, the basic structure is very resilient and resistant to change.

Both of the primary processes are in play simultaneously so let us consider them each in turn. Firstly, beliefs can be created by constant repetitionin the form of feedback and messages we receive especially those we get from our primary care givers such as parents. As children we assume our parents are all knowingand if they give us messages about our capabilities, our self-worth and about how the world works we are likely to accept these messages.

For instance, if a parent is constantly telling a child they are clumsy there will be an internalising of this message. Even if the child appears to make extra effort to be careful and even becomes known for that quality as an adult, the message has still been internalised. The very act of being extra careful is driven by a fearof people discovering how clumsy our example person is. Alternatively, the same message may result in a person who provides countless examples that the statement about them being clumsy is true.

So, whether we try to be the opposite or we directly accept the role we are still internalising the beliefabout being clumsy.

This same processwould also be responsible for a person taking on a positive beliefsuch as being clever or creative. All of this, with both Limiting and Empowering beliefs happens outside our conscious awareness. We take in the thinking pattern that creates the belief by osmosis and with little conscious processing.

Perhaps an even more fascinating aspect of this process is what happens when a child takes on a belief based on the constant repetition of what is not said. This can often happen where there are siblings. If one child is constantly praised for a particular quality such as creativity but this quality is never attributed to the child’s sister an unwitting message is being delivered. Child logicof the sister is such that the child may take on a belief that she is not creative because she is never told that she is. The parents in this case may not think that at all and were unaware of the unconscious response of their child.

The second of the processes responsible for the creating of beliefs is linked to high emotional loadand could be described as trauma. However, this may be misleading as we do get Empowering beliefsthis way too.

Let me expand, a belief or a series of beliefs can arise from one experience where the emotional intensity is particularly high. The emotions could be anything from fear, loss, anger through to joy or feelings of achievement. The key is high intensity chained to high meaning.

In terms of Limiting beliefs, I have worked with many clients who had a “shame”or “humiliation”experience that converted into feelings of low self-worthand confidence. I have also spoken with other people who have a key moment of inspirationbased on an experience in early childhoodthat created a positive drive and a resilient mind-set.

On Wednesday, 9thMay our NLP Practice groupwill explore this topic further. Do email me if you would like to join us. melody@gwinzlp.com