The Core Transformation Process was developed by ConniraeAndreas in the 1980s and is an elegant, gentle process that creates significant change at a deep level. It primarily about identifying “parts” that have been left behind in our development.
With the Core Transformation Process we are often looking at complex, deeper issues where a number of parts may be involved. Each part will have it’s own positive intention and desired outcome creating a multi-layered issue to unpack.
Connirae Andreas has given permission to Melody to offer this training in the Core Transformation Process.
28th to 30th August 2019
Early Bird Rate £395 available until 28th July 2019
Although this series is about self-carethere is an inter-personalaspect to your well-being that I would like to highlight to you this week.
I wonder, have you considered how much the people you spend time with have an impact on your well-being and your ability to stay resilient?
The relationships you engage in regularly will have a direct influence on your energy levelsand your general sense of self. This may not surprise you and yet have you ever stopped to check.
Are the people you spend the most time with:
Critical of you and your life.
An emotional drain.
Needy and demanding.
Easily offended and reactionary.
Aggressive either to you or in your company to others.
Have a negative mindset.
If you answered “yes” to even one or two of the characteristics above the chances are you will feel drained and unhappy after spending time with such people.
So perhaps it is time to change who you spend time with!
I wonder how many of you feel uncomfortable about this suggestion? If you do it will be because you have a value that feels ignored. Maybe loyalty is important to you or kindness. It may be some other value of a similar nature.
I can understand that reaction and yet for your own health it is worth thinking about how much time you spend with people who sap your energy.
Have you applied the above list to yourself, do those characteristic also apply to you? Or maybe they used to. Either way, if you are now committed to self-care practiceI recommend you begin widening your circle of friends to include people who:
Laugh and smile a lot.
Are kind and encouraging.
Motivate you and others.
Demonstrate that they care about you
Are good at turning conflict into conversation
Have a growth mindset.
Lift your spirits.
Begin by adopting the above behaviours yourself so that you are the kind of person others want to spend time with in order to feel good. Secondly, begin connecting with people who lift your spirits.
You may need to do your homework to find out where these people can be found. May be joining a class or hobby group, maybe going to networking events or social gatherings. In all of these places you will find people who fit both the lists above so be selective.
One of the easiest ways to start building your new positive network is to sign up to a personal development course such as NLP Practitioner. You are likely to find other people looking for the same thing plus others who already have a genuine positive attitude to life.
As you build your new positive supportive network you may find that some of your old friends will welcome the change in you and begin their own journeys of transformation. There may be others you choose to limit your time with or gently let go of.
Remember you have choice and you deserve happiness, well-beingand resilience. You can only be responsible for yourself. Become that person that lifts the spirits of others, I know you can do it.
This week someone asked me to explain the benefits of NLP to them and I realised this is something I’ve not written about recently. It made sense to me to give you a little background into my personal angle on this.
Several years ago I studied for an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology and for my dissertation I decided to research the benefits of NLP. In my study I was interested to find out if there was any evidence to support my hypotheses, paraphrased here as:
“NLP can be used to improve self-esteem and well-being”
As part of my study Joe and I facilitated a one day workshop with over sixty participants and a dozen of our NLP Master Practitioner Graduates assisting with the group work. During the day Joe and I taught some principles of NLP and guided the group through three NLP change work processes.
I collected data from already existing psychology questionnaires that measured self-esteemand well-being. The measures were taken before the workshop, at the end of the day and six weeks later. There was also another group of a similar size who did not take part in the workshop who acted as a control group. I measured their self-esteem and well-being during the same time frame (they got to do the workshop after the study had been completed).
The results were very pleasing demonstrating statistically significant evidence that NLP does improve self-esteem and well-being. I was not really surprised as I have been using these techniques myself in self-care, in my private practice with clients and teaching to my students for years. Time and time again I see people having excellent results.
When I work with people in my private practice I often encourage them to consider taking NLP Practitioner training as part of their journey. By taking the training my clients are learning how to self-coach when issues come up, they often experience a transformation in their mindset and report feeling greater control in their lives.
Here is a comment from a recent student about a particular technique and NLP in general:
“In all the years of therapy etc I’ve never noticed a shift like this, so it’s a fantastic technique and I really want to be able to use this and my NLP skills to be able to help others who have been through similar experiences to me. Just wanted to share that with you and thank you for all your help.”
If you want to find out more about my research you will find lots of information on the website including my full dissertation and the journal article published later. I also have a free audio download recorded at the research workshop that includes two of the processes covered. Here is the link:
As I may mentioned in an earlier blog I have reached the short list for the Research Award at the NLP Awardsin May. This event is being hosted at the NLP Conferencewhere we will also have a trade stand.
For those of you ready to start your NLP journey you can join us for our NLP Taster Day: NLP101. We have a token charge of just £24.95 for the day which is also day one of the fully ANLP Accredited Practitioner.
For full details of our next NLP Practitioner Training or to book onto a taster day contact me direct via Contact Us.
Managing stress is a key skill in self-care, how well are you doing managing your own levels of stress?
When I first started out as a corporate trainer I would often be asked to run “Stress Management” Courses. These days the same course is often re-branded as “Well-being” Training.
Whatever the title you still need to be able to handle stress. Over the next couple of weeks I will share a few ideas with you on managing stress so you can add some tools to your tool kit.
Before doing so I want to spend a few minutes defining stress. Firstly, stress is something you need in your life to some extent. Have you heard of the little used word, “eustress”? Eustress means positive stress.
Eustress is what provides you with the motivation to get up and do things. Without it nothing much would get done. Here are some definitions that can be applied to stress in general:
Your life-force. It is dynamic energy. It is stimulating and motivating.
Not a bad thing in itself. It is mismanagement of stress that can be harmful.
The result of unlabelled emotions. The rational mind needs to label things.
A reaction to a situation and not the situation itself.
A motivator. Without it there would be no change.
The basis for the Fight/Flight reaction.
Fuelled by such things as uncertainty, change, helplessness, conflict, pressure.
Dependant on inner and outer influences.
Caused and experienced in different ways by different people.
More likely to occur in people who are ambitious, driven, sensitive or anxious.
Negative stress is the point where eustress tips over into feelings of not being able to cope.This feeling of not being able to cope is based on how much perceived pressure you are experiencing versus your perceived ability to cope.
The essential word here is “perceived” on both counts. The first step in handling negative stress is to reality check the actual level of stressors in your life and challenge your level of control.
Start today by listing those things in your life that are causing you worry or stress. Now ask yourself how much control do you have with each?
If it is within your control, what changes can you make?
If it is something you can influence, who and how do you need to influence?
If it is genuinely outside of your control how do you need to adapt or what do you need to do to gain some acceptance?
Next week we will dig a little deeper into this model and begin building some strategies to increase your ability to cope and then thrive. Thriving is the pathway to well-being and it run right through stress and out the other side.
If you are interested in deepening your own self-awareness I am running a workshop this month called “Transactional Analysis for Coaches”. This workshop provides some useful insights that can also help you manage your life better. Follow the link for details.
In an earlier blog I told you I had started a 40 day self-care challengefor myself. The challenge was to cut out sugary foods such as chocolate, biscuits and cake. I also cut out alcohol.
My motivation was for general health benefitsincluding weight lossand reducing inflammation.
On the surface I have been successful in this challenge. I have found it easy to avoid the foods I chose to cut out. However I noticed something strange. I have gained about four pounds in weight.
At first this didn’t make sense. Then I reflected on how my eating habits have changed over the last few weeks.
I have cut out the specific sources of sugar but then quite unconsciously I have increased my carbohydrate intake. You probably already know that in the body carbohydrates are broken down into sugar.
How had this happened?
I have a theory, based on my training and experience. I believe that food issues are rarely just about food.In some way sugar has a place in my psychological and emotional strategies. This form of unconscious sabotage needs to be viewed as useful data. It provides us with information that will ultimately help us.
My suspicion is that this is rooted in some personal work that I have already cleared and that this experience is an indicator that there is some more to do. I am also aware of some stress in my life right now that may also be having an impact.
I have decided to use some specific tools that I find really useful as a way of exploring and clearing what this change in eating has triggered.
I am going to use two techniques developed by Connirae Andreas,the Core Transformation Process and Wholeness Work. I’ll let you know how I get on later in this series.
For me listening to your bodyin this way is another way of practicing self-care. Listen to your body, listen to your responses and notice what you learn.
Do let me know what discoveries you make about yourself as you deepen your self-care practice.
Does it hold you back and prevent you from enjoying life fully or maybe stop you trying new things?
Transforming your inner Critic using NLP
A couple of weeks ago I first wrote about your inner critic and how it can sometimes undermine your self-care. This week I am going to share with you some tips that will enable you to make some changes that will really help you transform that voice.
So, firstly a re-cap, your inner critic is a partof you that is trying to help you. It’s job is likely about wanting to keep you safe or help you avoid something such as embarrassment or rejection. It has a positive intention and this intention may be out of date.
The suggestions I am about to make will reduce the power of the voice or change it in a way that makes it easier to feel okay about.
You may still need to do some more formal inner work if the inner critic is connected to unresolved issues. If this is the case the changes I am about to suggest may only last for a short time or not at all.
When you clear the underlying issue the inner critic will either naturally transform or will be open to the changes below.
Here are the tips.
Thank your inner critic for it’s input, help and advice.
Listen to the words and evaluate, is there genuinely something to pay attention to here or are the words just a sign of anxiety.
Experiment with changing your inner critic’s tone. It is your brain, your inner voice so this is easy to do. See what happens if you change the voice into something you can no longer take seriously. For example make it sound like Micky Mouse or Scooby Do. Alternatively soften the tone, make it sound like a kindly advisor delivering the advice in a soft, non-judgemental way.
Notice the location of your inner critic, what happens if you switch the location? Sometimes this on its own makes a big difference. For example, if your inner critic sounds like it is on the right, near the back of your head move it to the left and further forward. Sometimes you may need to do this change before step 3.
These small tips have made a difference to many of my clients however if you try them and they do not work for you I suggest you seek out an experienced NLP Practitioner who can help you using one of the following techniques, parts work, six step reframe, re-imprint, Core Transformation or the Wholeness Process.
Where possible choose someone who was recommended to you by someone you know and trust. You can also check to see if the person is a member of ANLP our NLP Professional body and also ask what level of training they have.
Please be aware that NLP Training does vary with some people attending very short courses. Be wary of working with anyone who has only had online training.
How can you manage your inner critic with self-care?
Last week I began sharing with you my thoughts about how you (and probably everyone else) has an inner critic. Before moving forward I would like to remind you that you will also have an inner champion, are you listening to that part of yourself too?
Both of these internalised inner voices are parts of you that have taken on a role. Both were developed unconsciously during your developmental phase and both emerged for a good reason.
As a side note, the type of inner voice I am commenting on is part of healthy normal development. There are people who have issues with internalised voices as a mental health issue. If you have any voices urging self-harm or violent behaviour please seek support and help from an appropriate qualified professional.
The focus today is on managing the inner critic. Last week I gave you some tips about acknowledging and evaluating the messages from the inner critic.
If your inner critic is particularly loud write down the script. By writing it down you will be able to get some distance and perspective.
Now write down what you think the positive intention is behind the script.
Definition: Positive intention is a term used in NLP to mean the motivation behind a thought, feeling or behaviour. The presupposition in NLP is that your unconscious is responsible for your patterns of thinking and behaving.
Your unconscious has a positive drive and is trying to protect you the best it can. Sometimes it has not enough or faulty information and so develops patterns that appear negative. Here is an example that illustrates what I mean.
An adult has a tendency to want to please others and say “yes” when they would really rather say “no”.
This pattern could have emerged for a variety of reasons, one could be that in childhood this person experienced disapproval from parental figures for saying “no”. Using child logic they developed a belief that the only way to be loved and approved of was to please others. This belief is held unconsciously and yet runs the adult’s responses.
Whenever this adult considers saying “no” to others or pleasing themselves the inner critic replays a version of those early messages. You may or may not consciously hear them however the emotions created are felt.
If this person continues to say “no” or please themselves their inner critic will continue commenting perhaps triggering feelings of guilt and low self-worth.
If the person suppresses their desire to say “no” or please themselves they may get a sense of relief coupled with other feelings such as low self-worth and unhappiness.
This has created a double bind, damned if you do damned if you don’t. Is this feeling familiar?
Now to return to my suggestion of writing down the script of the inner critic, as you review your own scripts consider “who was the author?”
The chances are the author will have been parental figures who in most cases had good intentions. By writing down your script you may gain some new insights that allow you to make changes.
Insights can be very powerful however sometimes insights are not enough. Have you ever had the experience of understanding something logically but hanging on to it emotionally?
This is a really common experience and this is where NLP can help you. There are many techniques in NLP that can help you re-write your script and become the author of your own life.
Here is a link to a free download which includes a technique called “Changing Beliefs”. The recording is taken from a workshop delivered as part of my NLP Research Dissertation into NLP as a way of improving Self-esteem and Well-being.
Next week I will share some ways of changing the sub-modalities of your inner critic to reduce the impact and perhaps transform your experience.
I am pleased to share with you that I have been nominated for the Research Award at the NLP Awards in London this May.
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve been sharing with you some questions to check how well you are taking care of yourself.
In my work as a therapist I have noticed something that many of you will also be aware of. Most people are their own worst critics. Have you been criticising yourself for not being kind to yourself?
Take a moment to consider what this means. This is a paradox. You are criticising yourself and not taking care of yourself. Consider this too. Whose voice is that inner critic? Is it really your own?
Many people have internalised this inner critic and come to believe it is their own voice however the chances are this form of internal chatter really came originally from someone else. Usually this person was one of your primary care givers. In most cases this person genuinely was trying to help you and believed their comments to you were “for your own good”.
Today I invite you to make friends with your inner critic. (Please remember if you criticise your inner critic this is another way to be unkind to yourself).
Thank this internal part of yourself, recognise that this part of you was probably trying to protect you or help you do something or avoid something. It has good intentions.
Learn to notice when your inner critic is speaking to you. Acknowledge it and then ask a question.
“Is this criticism helping me right now, in the here and now”.
If it is, thank the critic and let it know you have taken note. Take the appropriate action gently and with self-compassion.
If the critic is out of date, thank the critic and let it know this advice can be archived.
Try out these steps over the next week or so and notice what happens. Next week I will share with you some ways to change how you hear your inner critic so that it no longer feels harsh.
Are you ready for the next step in your NLP Journey?
Do you also want to become an Accredited Coach?
(Scroll down for detail of the additional certifications available)
I wonder if you have begun asking yourself important questions yet:
Who am I? What is my life purpose? What is the nature of reality?
In our NLP Master Practitioner we balance taking your NLP skills to the next level with exploring some of the “big questions”.
You will have the opportunity to experience a leap forward in your own Self-awareness leading to greater happiness and fulfilment in your life.
What else will you gain? Those that have attended NLP courses with us have reported major paradigm shifts in their life; increasing self-confidence and self-esteem, zest for life, transforming limiting beliefs to empowering beliefs and helping to communicate with others more effectively. As well as these immeasurable benefits you will gain:
An MP3 set of the GWiz Master Practitioner course.
Three certificates: Two from GWiz/ PSiNLP and one from the ANLP (Association of NLP)
A gift of three months full Professional Membership with the ANLP (Association of NLP), worth over £130.
Support after the course…through:
Our monthly NLP Practice Group
The opportunity to assist on future workshops to deepen your knowledge
Massively reduced personal coaching rates (six sessions per course)
Supervision support to help with your ongoing professional development
Free business advice and general ad hoc email support
You will be eligible of our NLP Trainer’s Training programme
Topics covered on our NLP Master Practitioner include:
• What is reality? Decoding the “big dream” • Personal Identity: Who is “I”? Who is “me”? • Finding your life purpose • Exploring the mind/body connection • Time and Paradox. What is really going on?
You will deepen your NLP knowledge as learning Sleight of Mouth patterns, re-imprinting, working with values maps, conversational change and much more. If you have been thinking about doing this workshop for a while this year may be the time to jump in particularly if you want to train in beautiful surroundings overlooking beautiful Ashdown Forest, East Sussex.
Early Bird for NLP Master Practitioner only, if you pay in full by 20th August 2018 £2795
Full Rate £3495
If you have already completed your NLP Master Practitioner with another provider you can take our NLP Master Practitioner with a 50% reduction. For GWiz graduates wishing to repeat Master Practitioner there is a 60% reduction.
Psychological Approaches to Coaching – Association for Coaching Accredited Diploma
Why complete this training?
This training is Accredited by the Association for Coaching and provides you with the necessary training to apply to be an Accredited Coach. This qualification will be readily recognised by Business and Corporate Clients thus allowing you to more easily tender for business contracts.
In order to complete this additional Certification you will take part in some additional sessions to add in the extra content needed to cover topics such as:
Transactional Analysis for Coaches
Myers Briggs Type Indicator
As part of this Certification you will get an additional manual covering coaching related topics, MP3’s covering additional content areas plus 2 supervision group sessions.
As this is our pilot year we are charging just £750 for this additional certification including evaluation, marking and accreditation. It is likely to be more like £1450 in future years.
Do remember I am always happy to talk to you individually about your training pathway
What other certifications are available?
For those of you who like to collect additional certifications you are also eligible to apply for iNLP Coach and Time Based TechniquesPractitioner each at £150. Further details on application.
What are the dates? The NLP Master Practitioner course is spread over three months to give you time to integrate experiences, the modules are: Module one: 14th to 17th September 2018 Module two: 26th to 29th October 2018 Module three: 7th to 10th December 2018
There will be additional webinars and a module for those also taking the Coaching Diploma
How do I sign up?
via email firstname.lastname@example.org or call (44) 1892 309 205
Wellbeing is a rather hot topic at the moment. I wonder how are you doing with your own self-care?
Take a moment to consider, how do you want to BE?
You know what it is like when you are so busy doing that you forget what it is to be.
What if you were to take the time to write down in a journal how you want to be in the world in terms of what emotions you want to experience regularly, who you want to feel connected to and what has the most meaning in your life.
Would you change what you focus on?
My challenge to you is to take some time today to just sit with this idea. Write down your thoughts, feelings and dreams or vision.
How close are you to being the way you want to be?
What is stopping you?
Write this down too. Next time I will share some thoughts with you about how to make some changes if that is what you want to do.
If you would also like to read my blog on resilience please click here